Replies

I was really fortunate to have done an internship at Cornell University this summer. Very often though, I wonder how it would have been had I not bagged any offer from any university. I believe I would be really pissed off and I would have surely replied to some professor in this manner:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your reply. After going through your email, I regret to inform you that I cannot accept your rejection.

My projects and courses keep me quite busy now-a-days and I receive hundreds of emails from lots of professors each day; as such, I am unable to accept all rejections. After going through your group's research work cited on your website and the reputation of your university, I am sorry at being compelled to reject your rejection.

As such, I hereby assume the position of a summer intern in your lab for the coming summers (May-July '07). Please let me know about the stipend that you can offer me asap so that we can go ahead with the paperwork at the earliest.

Thanks and regards,
Yours sincerely.

Now let's talk about my B.Tech project (BTP). Had my professor not shown interest in my work, I would have surely written him the following mail:

Dear Sir,

This is to inquire about the status of my B.Tech project. I have noticed that you haven't been showing much interest in my work for the past few weeks and you have become very irregular in scheduling meetings to discuss the same. I have to warn you that if this state of affairs continues, then I may be forced to lodge a complaint with the HOD on charges of academic negligence.

Take care,
Yours sincerely.

P.S. Please meet me at the earliest after you read this email.

Finally, the best of them all: (got it from some site... can't remember which; had it saved as a text doc)

To: All employees

From: Management
RE: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under information guidelines. Effective Feb. 1, 1995, a Restroom TripPolicy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given aRestroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms are being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before January 31, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to Management. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not connected to restrooms until the end of the month. Employees should acquaint themselves with these stations during that period.

If an employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the month. In addition, any restroom stalls that are occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract, the toilet will flush and the stall door will open. If the stall still remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the wall in the main office. This is being done to eliminate dilly-dallying in the restrooms. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated.

If you have any questions about the RTP, please ask your supervisor.